Monday, October 5, 2009

Holiday Acres

Weeping willows cry memories out loud,
Cascading with the wonder years
And falling down. Look around for lofty
Heights with secret signs…
Daylilies testify there was once proof of life.
The life we dreamt, it happened fast.
In this small place, we didn’t think we would last.
This place is our home through births and deaths,
And I keep coming back to be fulfilled.
Relying on memories,
And creating many

But on early summer mornings,
I can hear the doves warning
Dirty antique shops where treasure comes to die.
Dreams can be lost here,
But all will still try.
This place creates an affair of passion and hate,
A stately thing, like Main Street Bank.
Get your hands dirty and come take part
In a town of defeat and lost hearts.

Take pride in the struggles and the wounds that you gained.
I’m picking up the pieces and honoring your name.
On County Road One each day I go home,
I feel pride well up and wish you were here.
Come see the new tree house with a fresh painted sign,
The gardens are blooming with promise of life
This is our home inspired by strife,
Built up on love,
With a foundation of pain.

How to Buy Spanx When You are a Fat Girl in Denial

To begin your quest to find miraculous, body-shaping Spanx, you must first research where the nearest plus size women’s store is in your area. Seeing as you are in denial about your weight, you probably will not have a clue since you are still shopping in the junior’s department and squeezing into the season’s “must- haves”. This is a shopping trip you will have to plan ahead of time…invite a friend and have them keep the car running in the parking lot while you dart in, that way you can make a quick and unnoticed getaway. Also, plan on wearing a baggy sweatsuit so you can blame your weight on your poor wardrobe choice. Wear large, dark sunglasses in case you run into anyone you know and whatever you do, always avoid eye contact.
When the day arrives, leave home early to avoid large shopping crowds. Try to park in a front stall, or in a handicap stall, they never use them all anyway. Arrive at the pre-determined plus-size store and glance in the rearview to make sure your glasses are covering most of your face. Poof out your sweatshirt, and take a deep breath. Take off in a sprint across the lot, sucking in as you run. Keep your eyes down so you don’t make eye contact with any of the women coming in and out the front door. You swear you see a teacher from your hometown and a friend’s mom…keep running. Reach the door and gather yourself. Slowly push open the door so you don’t make any loud noises. Damn! Electronic door chime! Everyone’s eyes turn to the door where you stand awkwardly. Keep your head down and start the search. Look around frantically for those magical Spanx, look past the horrid pant suits, the gaudy brooches, the elastic waist denim pants, the miserable blouses, the…
“Can I help you?” Screeches a terribly chirpy voice
Damn it. You didn’t count on this. Play it cool.
“Um….uh…yea…I’m looking for the…the…Spanx.” You whisper, barely audible.
“Oh, the Spanx! They’re right up front here by the register!” Blabs the shrill employee at an inappropriate decibel level.
Follow the cheerful, plump sales lady into the eye of the storm… the center of the store. Eyes still downcast, feet shuffling quickly. Arrive at a display case right out in the open, see the holy grail of body shapers, Spanx. Listen vaguely as Screechy McSales clerk explains very loudly how to select your size by your body weight.
Doom. That’s it. Every eye in the store turns to you.
Wipe a bead of sweat from your brow with a quivering hand and calmly reply.
“I need a small…”
Never mind that your weight exceeds the small by nearly 75 pounds. You are in denial, and you will definitely be purchasing a small.
Watch the pudgy sales clerk eye you up and down as she chuckles and says:
“Ok, you can exchange them if they don’t work.”
Gather your last little ounce of confidence and saunter up to the counter. Shell out $47.50 for your grand purchase and gather your bag and run.
Run out the front door with your purchase snuggly under your perspiring armpit and head to the car, ready and waiting to make a getaway. Hop in and breathe a sigh of relief as you light up a cigarette and try desperately to get your heart to stop pounding. You did it.
That evening, when everyone in the house is soundly asleep, pull out your tightest pair of pants. The ones you haven’t worn since high school. Open your Spanx excitedly and start to put them on. Right foot first, then left then pull them up…and pull them up… maybe lay down on the bed and suck in really hard as you pull them up…get them mid-thigh and realize you are still truly in denial about your weight. Your legs are turning a deep shade of blue and they are becoming numb. Your Spanx don’t fit.
Ball them up into a tight wad and shove them back into the darkest corner of your underwear drawer. Never admit to anyone that you bought Spanx that were too small.

Like mother, Like daughter

I learned to handle my relatives with grace. I learned how to get that extra discount on a clearance item no matter what. I learned to stand up for my family, even when they are wrong. I learned that your child’s first year pictures are necessary and to send out thank you letters in a timely manner. I learned that “no” is not an answer and that “bored “is a swear word. I learned that you never admit in front of a man that you shave your legs… or anywhere else for that matter. (apparently they think it just happens…) I learned how to plan a wedding for under a thousand bucks. I learned that a house is not a home until you have a pet possum. I learned the 4H pledge by heart. I learned how to knit two, pearl one. I learned all of the half-off days at the thrift stores in a hundred mile radius. I learned that the best milkshakes in the world are shamrock shakes from McDonalds. I learned how to skillfully barter at garage sales and how to impress the hardest judge. I learned how to put my hair in hot rollers all by myself. I learned to ask permission before starting to date. I learned that a cell phone will not necessarily help the long-distance problem, and that you were serious about taking it away when I didn’t pay the bill. I learned that our trips to Kohls always resulted in a van-load of bags. I learned that eagles are worth stopping to photograph on Highway 169 even if it almost causes a multi-car pileup. I learned that wildflowers are always worth the walk in the ditch and with a little luck you can transplant ditch roses. I learned that it is worth getting a cat if you have a super unique name for it already picked out. I learned that those people I always tried to impress, really aren’t that great after all. I learned that it’s always better to give than to receive, even if it’s my last. I learned how to make a whole outfit by hand and lie about where I bought it. I learned that a May Day basket is just as important as a Christmas gift. I learned that the feathers on a pheasant may be pretty, but they are really hard to pluck off of a fresh bird. I learned how to make jewelry out of potatoes. I learned how to make dinosaur eggs with prizes inside. I learned that Christmas trees can work year-round as d├ęcor. I learned how to snowshoe. I learned how to get your favorite toy in your McDonald’s happy meal. I learned that you are more likely to get presents from family if you send them a Christmas letter each year. I learned how to set a formal dining room place setting. I learned how to quilt. I learned that piano lessons were worth it, even when I didn’t like to practice. I learned what “grace under fire” means. I learned how to care for Papa, even when he’s being a whiner. I learned how to look out for my brothers, humor them and how to keep them out of trouble. I learned that no matter how long I would have had you on earth, I could have never said I loved you enough. I learned that the best honor for a mother, is for her to daughter to honor her memory and keep it alive.

apples and tomatoes

A tomato differs from an apple because it is tender, not crisp, tart, and not sweet. A tomato will ooze when you cut it with a knife, while an apple merely makes a shushed crunch sound. A tomato can finish a sandwich. An apple would not fit well on top of bologna. An apple’s skin will shine as it hangs from the tree. A tomato’s skin is waxy and dull as you pluck it from the vine. An apple tastes great with caramel, while a tomato usually does not. If you step on an apple you will stumble and fall. If you step on a tomato, your shoe will be slimy. You can throw a tomato to show your disgust, if you throw an apple, you’ll probably get assault charges.
This is a place where life begins to sprint towards things
We need
We want
We crave
We require
Where we gather it in our arms
Careful not to drop it
And hold it tight like it will dissolve away
This is where we are satisfied