it has been a crazy weekend and now week...here are my thoughts in my very signature scattered style:
- took babe to the emergency room on saturday. she had a high temp and was very miserable. i love how it took 6 straight days of high fever, cough, ungodly amounts of snot, ear infection and a trip to the emergency room for someone to finally take us serious and get her started on an antibiotic. i get very defensive because i sometimes think of myself as a "young" mother and think that no one takes me seriously because of my age...or my tattoos or something dumb like that. i forget that 24 is not "young" by today's standards. she is doing a lot better now. finally...
- hubby has begun talking to me. but nothing about our little squabble. i was a little worried because he opened a checking account this weekend in his name. i was convinced he was leaving me. he tried to *cough* snuggle with me the other night and i had to stop him. even though we have been talking, he didn't apoligize or give me my wedding rings. i love how men can be so dismissive about some things. i'm still pretty upset and hoping everything gets better. i just want to feel like a wanted woman again. i want to fall in love again. i keep trying to convince myself i am exactly where i need to be in my life right now. i hope i'm right.
- Ugly came to visit this weekend in between the fights between me and hubby and babe being sick. it was so nice to see her again. babe gave her plenty of snot souviners to take home with her. i wish i was more available, but home was crazy and i was so tired in between. i hope she had fun. we watched slumdog millionaire and decided it was cool, but didn't live up to the hype and that i need a bigger tv therfore larger subtitles. Ugly made me a mixtape and i made her one as well. i'm listening to the one she gave me and i think it is so awesome how similar we are for not talking for 6 years! how wonderful to have an old friend again.
- i'm thinking about all the things i love to do (art, piano, singing, reading, acting) and how pathetic i am for not finding time for any of it. i have not read a full book in almost a year. the only time i sing is when i'm in the car by myself. i quit theatre years ago. my keyboard is in a corner upstairs. i can barely find the time and focus to draw. these are all things that define me and i choose not to have time. i'm miserable not doing the things i am passionate about. how sick i make myself.
- i want to grow my hair out, lose 30 pounds and then chop all my hair off into a faux hawk. not even joking. if i can scrounge up some more cheekbone this summer, i'm totally going to do it.
- i realized the other day when i was out smoking, that if my house didn't have such nice siding, that i would NEVER live here. my house is always under construction inside and some parts are down right ugly, but the outside is so beautiful when people drive by. but at least i have a "pretty house" to the neighbours. kinda sounds like my life. especially the construction part.
- i'm going to buy a birdfeeder and a crap ton of bird seed. the birds are awesome here in the mornings. they get so close to me. i'm going to be one of those people i made fun of when i was younger...sitting in front of the window with a field guide and a cup of coffee.
- i have to make easter bunnies out of construction paper hearts tommorrow for preschool. who the hell makes a bunny out of hearts? i don't get it.