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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Trying hard to balance "Domesticated" and "Deranged"

So it's 1:37 am "my world" time and I'm trying to figure out why I'm not sleeping, why I just ate a plate of goulash, and why I'm entertaining the thought of another cigarette and cleaning my kitchen. (Not at the same time mind you...) I've had kind of a bummer day.


I've been a real jerk and I've just kind of reveled in it and rolled around in it all day...and now next day too. My babe has had a fever and is under the weather...my dog vomited some of the most un-godly "stuff" I have ever seen (or smelled) in my entire life...got into a really nasty fight with my husband...(in case the illustration earlier didn't give it away) and my furnace is on the fritz so I can't even feel my toes right now. Grrr.


I couldn't wake the hubby up today. He works nights and I am very much a day person. (But I can swing the nights too) I've just kinda become accustomed to the no sleep state. I get very jealous that he gets to sleep whenever he wants while I take care of EVERYTHING. I shook him, yelled at him, poked, prodded, snatched the blanket...the only reaction I got was a couple of grumbled curse words. So I did the only thing that made sense in the moment. I grabbed the nearest water bottle, gave him the warning, and began the countdown. I poured the water on him and he was Pissed (note: the capital "P"). He grabbed the bottle and flung water on me and all around the bedroom. In my heightened rage, I took my wedding rings and threw them in his face. When he calmed down, he picked them up and tried to hand them to me. I let out a couple of huffs and wouldn't take them. He would not give up. So finally, I took them and dropped them on the ground right at his feet. Now usually, I'm not the sort of girl that would do this...but today I was in a pretty rare mood.


We took Babe to the Doctor. He apparently thought that a fever and rattly cough was pretty mild and told us to give her Tylenol for the fever. Eight minute appointment. Thanks Doctor McJerkface. I just fought tooth and nail with my husband to get him here, got Babe all ready to go, drove to the doctor in complete utter silence, paid a $20 copay for you to think I'm an overbearing Mom?!? @#$%!&*


We get home, another 6 miles in complete silence... and Hubby kisses Babe and leaves. Off for another night of work. I didn't wave and he didn't say goodbye. The second he started down the road, I scramble upstairs to pick up my wedding rings. Damn. He beat me to the chase. I've felt pretty mean all night. I almost get more mad when hubby doesn't want to engage in a fight. I wish he would so I knew he was hearing me. I'm old-fashioned and I think a man should always take care of his wife and family. But lately, I'm feeling kinda like a convienent room mate for him. I feel bad for busting off the wedding rings, but I want him to think about our vows and I really want him to just fall in love with me again. I really don't want to wear my wedding rings until then. Maybe next time around, he'll get down on one knee. I guess I'll have to just clean my kitchen and wait for morning to come.

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